PERFUME CAN COVER A STENCH. THAT’S WHAT I LEARNED FROM THE FRENCH.

Shame on USA TODAY for giving any kind of credibility to the VH1 “celeb-reality” garbage, such as “Rock of Love”, “I Love New York”, and “Flavor of Live”, with a Cover Story on the front page of Thursday’s LIFE section.

All the perfume in France could not cover up the stench coming from this collection of soft-core porn steaming piles of excrement.

Speaking of excrement, when a panel of “stars” from VH1 was asked about the most memorable moments from the shows, Flavor Flav said, “One of the most memorable moments in the history of reality TV was when that girl shit on my floor.”

Someone else responded, “No, I’d say it’s Mini-Me pissing on the carpet” from “The Surreal Life”.

TTYL

IF I RULED THE WORLD (OR AT LEAST NEW JERSEY)

Do you want to know how to solve the State of New Jersey’s budget crisis? Pass the following laws:

(1) No individual may simultaneously hold more than two paying positions in which the wages are funded directly or indirectly by the State of New Jersey, or any Department or Division thereof, or any political subdivision thereof (i.e. county or municipality). [You can be a councilman and a freeholder or a councilman and a state senator at the same time, but you cannot be a councilman, a freeholder, a state senator, and a paid member of the school board or police department at the same time]

(2) An individual who simultaneously holds two paying positions in which the wages are funded directly or indirectly by the State of New Jersey, or any Department or Division thereof, or any political subdivision thereof will be eligible for only one set of health insurance benefits. The individual will be eligible for the higher level of benefit of the two positions.

(3) If an individual who holds a paying position in which the wages are funded directly or indirectly by the State of New Jersey, or any Department or Division thereof, or any political subdivision thereof is currently covered under the health insurance benefits of a spouse who holds a paying position in which the wages are funded directly or indirectly by the State of New Jersey, or any Department or Division thereof, or any political subdivision thereof he/she is not eligible for health insurance benefits, or additional compensation in lieu of benefits, from his/her position.

(4) An individual who simultaneously holds two paying positions in which the wages are funded directly or indirectly by the State of New Jersey or any Department or Division thereof, or any political subdivision thereof will be eligible for only one pension from the New Jersey Division of Pensions based on the higher paying position. The wages shall not be combined in determining pension benefits.

(5) If an individual who holds a paying position in which wages are funded directly or indirectly by the State of New Jersey, or any Department or Division, or political subdivision thereof elects to waive health insurance benefits in lieu of benefits provided elsewhere his additional compensation will be limited to the “out of pocket” cost, if any, of the alternative benefits.

(6) An individual who holds a paying position in which wages are funded directly or indirectly by the State of New Jersey, or any Department or Division, or political subdivision thereof will not be able to collect pension benefits from the New Jersey Division of Pensions while employed in and receiving wages from such position.

That would probably solve the entire problem and then some without cutting any essential services! I expect we could even decrease the state sales tax rate.

TTYL

WHAT A PIECE OF WORK IS MAN

I just got this email as a bulk “forward” -

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“It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy. These are also the people that vote in this country! Here are the Stella's for the past year:

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7TH PLACE- Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

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6TH PLACE - Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.

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5TH PLACE - Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching. There are more...

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4TH PLACE - Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun. Grrrrr ..... Scratch, scratch.

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3RD PLACE - Third place goes to Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions? Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there; there are only two more Stellas to go...

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2ND PLACE - Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000.... oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

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1ST PLACE - (May I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please) This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich.. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.”

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The solution to this kind of nonsense? As I quoted in a recent THE WANDERING TAX PRO posting on class action suits – “The first thing we do is kill all the lawyers!”

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TTYL

IS A PUZZLEMENT - PART II

Here is the answer to the question posed in yesterday’s posting.

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She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again.

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If you answered this correctly you think like a psychopath.

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According to the email, this was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to determine if someone has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly.

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If you didn't answer the question correctly good for you!

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If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can avoid future contact.

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TTYL

IS A PUZZLEMENT - PART I

I recently received an email with the question posed below.

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This is not a trick question. It is as it reads.

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Here goes -

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A woman, while at the funeral of her mother, met a man who she did not previously know. She thought he was amazing. She believed him to be her dream partner so much that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him after the funeral. A few days later she killed her sister.

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Question: What was her motive for killing her sister?

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Give this some thought. I will post the answer tomorrow.

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FYI, my longtime friend Carmen "the Bear" told me he got the answer correct.

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TTYL

EVERYBODY OUGHT TO HAVE A WILL

I do believe that just about everyone should have a will of some kind.

You do not have to spend lots of money on an expensive lawyer (redundant). There are many will kits available online and at office supply stores that will do just fine if your finances and family situation are relatively simple. I should point out that the laws regarding wills and estates vary from state to state and you should make sure that any will kit you purchase will apply to your particular state regulations.

Those with more complicated situations should consult a professional.

It is very, very, very important that once you have written a will you review it periodically as your situation, and that of your executor or beneficiaries, changes. This is especially important for elderly individuals. A recent real-life situation emphasized this fact for me.

Money can totally destroy family relationships and lifelong friendships. In this particular case family relationships have been irrevocable damaged beyond repair.

The will in this situation was for an elderly widow with no children. In it she named her brother as executor. However her brother had passed away several years before. No contingent executor was named.

First of all, while not applicable to this specific situation, I firmly believe that you should never make a lawyer your executor. Your executor can decide to retain a lawyer for assistance if appropriate. This is just my personal opinion. I have no problem with naming a financial professional or the Trust Department of your bank as an executor – I am just against choosing a lawyer.

Every will should list a contingent executor, or executrix, in case the primary one cannot fulfill his/her duties. In this particular case the will should have been revised upon the death of the brother. However if a contingent executor had been named it would have been “more better”.

One of the beneficiaries of the estate, which was in six figures, was a sister who was currently living in a nursing home paid for by state Medicaid funds. Any monies inherited by this person would eventually go directly to Medicaid. I expect that the deceased, a 1040 client of mine, did not intend to have any of her savings go to Medicaid. The will should have been revised when it was determined that the sister would be a permanent resident of a nursing home.

The problems began when the person who could be identified as her “caregiver” – the only one of several nieces and nephews who attempted to take care of her in her old age, who held her Power of Attorney, and who advanced all the money for her funeral expenses – upon discovering her will among her personal effects consulted an attorney. Without going into specifics, the lawyer eventually, in my opinion, stabbed this person (a close personal friend) in the back – and he ended up substantially “out of pocket” for his own legal fees.

What this person should have done upon discovering the will, again in my opinion, was take it directly to the county Surrogate’s office and explain that he was the deceased’s caregiver and held Power of Attorney and that the executor named in the will had predeceased his aunt. The County Surrogate would have probably named this person the Administrator of the estate, as should have been.

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Unfortunately involving a lawyer ended up making the situation truly FUBAR. Forget about "beware of Greeks bearing gifts" - beware of lawyers, period!

So if you don’t have a will, get one. If you do, review it. And tell your elderly relatives (parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles) and friends to review theirs.

Any comments?

TTYL

AIN'T BROADWAY GRAND!

The American Theatre Wing has announced the nominations for 2008 Tony Awards.

Lightning has not struck twice. While Mel Brook’s THE PRODUCERS broke all records taking home just about every Tony for a musical, and deservedly so, his YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN only got three (3) nominations – Featured Actor, Featured Actress and Scenic Design.

THE HEIGHTS got the most nominations for a musical – 13. The revival of SOUTH PACIFIC, the first Broadway revival since the original production, came in second with 11. SUNDAY IN THE PARK ETC got 9, GYPSY 7 and PASSING STRANGE also 7. I have yet to see any of the musicals which opened this season – but will be going to GYPSY this summer.

The word on GYPSY is great from all sources. The house-mate of a long-time client is "in the business" and ran into Stephen Sondheim in SARDI's one evening. SS raved about Patti Lupone and the production.

Speaking of SS - he will receive the Lifetime Achievement Award this year. The Regional Theatre Award will go to the Chicago Shakespeare Company.

The only plays I have seen this “season” were BOEING-BOEING and NOVEMBER. I was surprised that Nathan Lane was not nominated for NOVEMBER. The show’s only nomination was for Laurie Metcalf as Featured Actress.

BOEING-BOEING was nominated for Leading Actor (Mark Rylance – from the original West End production), Featured Actress (Mary McCormack), Director (Matthew Warchus), and Costume and Sound Design.

The Tony Awards will air at 8:00 PM on Sunday, June 15th on CBS.

Click here for the complete list of nominees.

TTYL

SO LONG, FAREWELL, AUF WIEDERSEHEN, GOOD NIGHT!

As is my custom, due to the demands of the tax filing season I will not be posting to ANYTHING BUT TAXES, or my other blogs, until the end of April.

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Between now and April 15th I barely have time to relieve myself let alone blog!

“Talk” to you when it is all over!

TTYATS

THE GUILTY ONES

They have got to be kidding!

An article on my mail.com home page on Saturday reported:

“The Federal Communications Commission has proposed a $1.4 million fine against 52 ABC Television Network stations over a 2003 broadcast of cop drama NYPD Blue.

The fine is for a scene where a boy surprises a woman as she prepares to take a shower. The scene depicted 'multiple, close-up views' of the woman's 'nude buttocks' according to an agency order issued late Friday.

FCC's definition of indecent content requires that the broadcast ‘depicts or describes sexual or excretory activities' in a ‘patently offensive way’ and is aired between the hours of 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. The agency said the show was indecent because ‘it depicts sexual organs and excretory organs -- specifically an adult woman's buttocks.’

The agency rejected the network's argument that ‘the buttocks are not a sexual organ.’”

The fact that this scene was telecast almost 5 years ago aside, this is ridiculous!

If the definition of “indecent content” requires that the broadcast “depicts excretory activities in a patently offensive way” than just about every show in the genre of “reality tv” should be fined. After all, what is reality tv but the product of an “excretory activity”. And reality tv shows are without a doubt “patently offensive”?

TTYL

A LITTLE THIS-A AND A LITTLE THAT-A – WITH THE EMPHASIS ON THE LATTA!

+ The inside back cover of my Playbill for NOVEMBER had an ad for www.PlaybillRadio.com – “Broadcasting the music you live from the heart of Broadway. 1000s of songs. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Exclusive news and interviews. It’s all FREE!”

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This is great. It has replaced “The Music of Your Life” syndicated radio for my daily online music streaming. It plays nothing but songs from Original Cast Recordings and other Broadway-related albums and dvds (i.e Barbra Steisand's "The Broadway Album") – past and present. Plus it has Broadway news.

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As I have been typing this posts I have heard “Rosemary” from HOW TO SUCCEED, “Meadowlark” from THE BAKERS WIFE, and “Poor Everybody Else” from SEASAW. I have also heard selections from HAIRSPRAY and the recent revivals of COMPANY and SWEENEY TODD.

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+ Have you checked out “Pigasus” the NJ Flying Pig from NJ 101.5 FM radio? Click here for a picture of Pigasus, and here for information on the Flying Pig Coalition.

+ Jim over at BLUEPRINT FOR FINANCIAL PROSPERITY has posted “50 Fun Facts About Banks”. According to the post “Flatbush National Bank of Brooklyn NY was the first bank to issue a credit card in 1946. I wonder if they had any idea of what they were starting?

TTYL